Red Letter Days!

Thinking back over 2011 this morning - enjoying looking over some photos. These images represent a few highlights of a very full, very productive year.

Late in 2010, my New Year muse, my inspiration came to me, and the word was EMERGENCE. I wasn't sure of what that meant for me, but I do recall this bubbling-up feeling in my heart - something wonderful was brewing

As I think about all of those red letter days of 2011, I am wondering what 2012 will inspire, where I will be, who I will meet and so on. Many thoughts and words have fluttered past my frame of interest in the past few weeks, but nothing seems to "stick" or resonate with me. There is, however, this internal tug-of-war with anticipation and temperance -no doubt about it, the future is tantalizing and teasing me! Patience, I must be reminded, is my hidden talent!

Red letter moments in 2011? There were so many: watching my kids grow and achieve so many wonderful things; sharing San Fransisco adventures and the blue skies over the ocean at Monterey; perfect weather all summer long, two live performances of kd lang (awright!!!), my new guitar (love you, Pearl!), returning to university, time with friends, and so much more! All the while, it's been fast, furious and frenzied, but with an underlying sense of purpose - like a supernatural booster pack was stapped to my soul to blast me to the next level!

What's next? Bring it on!

Transforming Transformation

Early morning lends itself to intropsection and reflection. On this particularly peaceful morning, I am thinking back upon 2011, and I am feeling especially grateful for the many experiences enjoyed and lessons learned.

Some times in our lives are just so full - the content forming, contantly changing and billowing over, faster than we can take it all in! It takes tremendous focus and energy to grab onto what we can and really be present in a particular experience or situation.

If, like me, you have many personal and business interests and many competing demands upon your allotment of daily hours, you will appreciate the angst that can brew to the surface during these highly productive, fast-paced life moments.

Every year, a word comes to me as the old year wanes away - for 2011 the word was EMERGENCE. What was I emerging from? From time to time throughout the year, I was doubtful of my muse! However, as events and opportunities and disappointments all unfolded, I began to see that I was emerging from self-doubt and inertia and reconnecting with my truest self and her dreams. The result, as I look back, is a remarkable free-flowing creation that is my unique interface with this lifetime.

So, on the cusp of a new year, I eagerly await the next gentle nudge that the from the universe - I feel so fortunate and so joyful. I know she will not disappoint me, if I only attune myself to her cues.

Hard 2 Love

Admit it, we all know them - those folks that make us feel like a cat having its coat stroked in the wrong direction. At best, we can accept we are just on a different page, and at worst we want to scream and rush from the room... or jump from a moving vehicle!

When I was ten or eleven years old, a woman from my church told me that "...some people are just hard to love!" I recall how I groaned inside, and thought, "Good grief - beam me up Scottie!" But recently, frustrated by general rudeness and self-centredness around me, I remembered her words.

A light turned on inside of me - not a brilliant starburst, just a dull glow, like a kid's comforting night light :) But I got it - or at least I was able to recall her message, and I found something that I could both live with, and live within!

Those hard to love people... they are missing something that we have an ability to share with them, and they need our love more than they know or can appreciate. Think of it like a vitamin deficiency - if it is serious enough, a doctor will recommend a treatment plan; perhaps injections, or high doses of pharmaceutical grade supplements.

We should give our goodness and our love freely and without discrimination, not because we will feel better, and not so that we will be rewarded in any way - and it won't necessarily make us like those hard to love folks more! We should give with love because we have been blessed with the ability and means to do so, just like a Doctor has the training and ability to facilitate physical healing.

Also, I am wondering if when I feel that revulsion and resistance with others, if I have crossed over to some awkward state where human contact is repugnant, or worse yet, where others find me unworthy of kindness and consideration.

Deep thoughts on a dark and rainy night...it appears that I have my work cut out for me!

To Thine Own Self

The past two years have been very hectic - not without joy, delight or accomplishment, but with little room just to be, just to exist. I think creative folks just need that down time - the mind and body seldom rest from purposeful processes and analyses.

My Mom used to say that once you have kids the fast forward switch goes on - one day you look in the mirror and the lines and grey hairs are there and you just think, what the...???

I often wonder if there is something scientific behind my Mom's prediction ? As my kids grow and become increasingly independent, I keep expecting to be able to draw on a little more of that precious life-affirming juice, aka "down-time", but it seems like the reverse is true! Am I overly conscientious? Do I need to be more assertive at home and in the work world? Where is the time going (really; truly) - I feel too busy, to involved to really take stock and the self-bank of me-ness is running low and lower!

Recently, I asked a group of adult learners to list their top ten strengths - referring, of course, to personal attributes that they could draw upon for the creation of a resume and during job interviews. Most could only list three to five, and this dismal response and disconnection from self awareness and potential was just so discouraging. Then I remembered a pearl of wisdom I once heard - that we are frustrated most by shortcomings we also share.

Although I am not in the market for a new career, I also began to think that maybe I was losing touch with my own strengths - I always maintain that a person should keep an up-to-date CV, cover letter template and references at hand, as a way of remembering all you are and all that you have to offer the world. It is so easy to become lost in the busy-ness of daily life and to forget the intricate richness with which we are each blessed.

I began the list and it flowed fast and easily...

COMPASSIONATE
ANALYTICAL
CREATIVE
ETHICAL
PASSIONATE
ARTISTIC
MUSICAL
ARTICULATE
LOVING
POSITIVE
ATHLETIC
APPRECIATIVE
HUMOUROUS
FORGIVING
LOYAL
HARD-WORKING
RESULTS -ORIENTED
JOYFUL
KIND
RESOURCEFUL
CARING
RESPONSIVE
ACCURATE
LIFE-LONG LEARNER
COMMITTED
VISIONARY
BIG-PICTURE THINKER
HUMANITARIAN
MENTOR
VOLUNTEER
LEADER
TEAM MEMBER
CAREFUL

Last week I also entered four of my colour photos in a National Geographic photo contest - a small thing, yes, but significant to me. Although I majored in photography in university, my recent years have consisted of mostly "Mom shots" of my three kids. Of the four images chosen, my favourite is featured in this entry - the dragonfly photo that I call "Backyard Angel".

I remember how that dragonfly patiently posed for me on the weathered fence boards. I was fascinated by the blues and greens of his steely armoured plates, and how, up close, the delicate wings looked like ornate wrought iron railings. I think also, that at my best, I relate to the dragonfly - buzzing purposefully, efficient and sturdy; a profound asset in my chosen environment.

But at times, when my fuel tank feels low and I lose sight of my talent and abilities, I envy the dragonfly's freedom - it's time to dust off, time to use my wings; time to soar... I was made to soar.

River Poem

For the first time in a long while, I walked alongside the river tonight after dinner, all on my own - felt so nice not to have any earbuds in, to not have to hold a conversation, and just to enjoy the sounds and smells along the way.

I used to walk the same route five or six times a week with about two or three variations in the route. I never seemed to tire of it - even at -50 degrees celcius, there I'd be trundling along like Sir Edmond Hillary, gender-questionable in my multiple layers. Then somehow, work got more hectic and life more stressful, and I slowly got out of my established routine. Now I am starting to schedule some of these favourite things back into my days - mostly because I miss how my body used to feel after those walks; strong, supple and glowing.

RIVER POEM
Sweet clover, road tar, corn on the cob and dill weed -
Strange but compelling perfume!
Mallard's cluck, boat motor, frog chorus; sparrow's song -
My ears are eager for each new tone!
Foot fall percussion - gravel, grass, tarmac, grass...
My heart drums happily along :)
When I smile at dogs and they smile back -
That's a precious connection;
Windblown hair and dusty paws!
Waiting at home, my chiller mug with water
Simple luxuries - just to move, to breathe and to be
Alone by the river, but complete in myself.

La la la lang xo!

Chasing Rainbows

Hard to explain why certain sounds, tastes or colours make me respond so profoundly - and why do the things that make MY cheeks flush and heart race leaves others asking, "whaaa...???" All part of what makes me an individual, I suppose.

Case in point... just got back from a musical pilgrimage to San Francisco. k.d. lang and the Siss Boom Bang were performing at the Robert Mondavi Winery, near Oakville California, and I have been captivated by k.d. lang since I first saw her doing some crazy hokey pokey with semi-fauxhawk hair in the 1980s - my friends went "whaaaa???" while I hokey pokey'd along smiling and clapping like a happy toddler.

My recent trek to Cali was part deux of what has become The k.d. Summer; starting with my birthday wknd at the Winnipeg Folk Fest, where she rocked the mainstage with her magnifcent talent. She is a rare artist who is exponentially better live - and the new band def kicks ass!

Her performance at Mondavi was equally breathtaking, btw... Now that my double dose of k.d. has passed, however, I feel grateful but decidely post-experience-MEH - no doubt spoiled by the sheer fire and beauty of her live performance, and too low on $$$ and free time to chase down another k.d. rainbow... in yet another city!

This was my first visit to Mondavi, and I was happy to confirm a few days ahead of the concert that the venue only holds about 1500 people - rare today to be able to enjoy an acclaimed artist like La Lang in such an intimate setting. The downside... some disorganization among the well-intentioned volunteers and staff at the event. We actually (inadvertantly!)paid for FOUR VIP tickets (for two of us, LOL) and had a devil of a time getting our correct seats near the stage. Finally it was sorted, but we did not get to finish the second half of our $195.00 dinners, and did not receive the two special bottles of wine we had pre-ordered/pre-paid for with our tix, waaay back in March. And my friend (another long-term k.d. lang devotee) also was dismayed to find that "VIP" ranking we were so happy to get in on, did NOT include any hope of getting an autograph, in spite of the small crowd.

What was supposed to be my long overdue k.d. connection was a bit of a disconnect, I'm afraid. At Folk Fest, I had friends working back stage, and had been offered back stage admission to possibly meet k.d. and co - I couldn't believe that this opportunity had landed within my clumsy grasp! Again, the gods were against me and, by the time I could connect with my contact and get anywhere close to the back stage, the band had already left the venue (over 35.000 folks at this performance!!!).

So, my k.d. dream has been uprooted, replanted, uprooted and replanted again. Will it ever be realized or will it simply become a larger and more wistful fantasy? Time will tell...as k.d. sings, long after she's gone the music will live on - xo!

Four Strings

When most people think of banjo and they think BLUEGRASS - well there's much more to it. Until the electric guitar became such a big part of ensemble music, the four-string tenor banjo's rich tones were integral to jazz music.

My thrill of the week (maybe the month, the year???) was having my friend un-case her banjo (yes, four-string tenor) yesterday and play a few licks. Ain't She Sweet and Bye Bye Blues - sweet indeed and blue no longer - OMG!

The kicker... I got to add a little paint to her 70s banjo case - complete with Hang Ten style feet and daisies, I kept her young girl art intact and touched up a bit of the colour, adding in a few more flowers. Love when music, art and summer all meld together - heaven piercing thru the mundane day to let us know what really matters xo! BTW... Photos are details of a visual journal portrait I did for The Bird - play on, Girl, your talent is a spectacular gift.

Dance Like There's No One Watching

July is my favourite month of the year. I'm not sure if it's because I was born in July, but I start to long for July in early January. I mourn its passing from late August until Christmas arrives and makes me forget about summer for a few days! I guess you could say that when it's not July, I am chasing its warm shadows with anticipation and longing. July is like that first kiss, the childhood crush, young love. July is invincible, intoxicating, immortal. Once you've tasted July, every other month just seems to be missing a little spice, you know what I'm saying?

Lazy, Hazy Days
I love the heat, the rapid growth of plants and flowers, the lazy aura of early summer, the reduced traffic in the city as people flee to lakes and rivers to cool off, the starry nights with shooting stars, and camping/cooking my food on a fire. There is always someone doing something whimsical in July, even in the city on a work day - a street festival, an impromptu picnic, a free music concert, or some kind of fun event in a breezy outdoor setting! It just seems like everyone is more in touch with their inner child - a little fanciful and a little less serious.

July + July
I am from a family of seven children, and I have four older siblings - three of which are sisters! My oldest sister and I are nine years apart, but we share July birthdays that are only one day apart. We have shared birthday celebrations many times over the past twenty-five years or so, and last year we made a pact to spend our birthdays together enjoying a local July experience - the Winnipeg Folk Fest. Winnipeg Folk Fest always happens during both of our birthdays and we both love music and art, so it seemed like a perfect fit!

The event is five days long - with over sixty musical acts to enjoy, as well as arts, crafts, great food and much more. And... of course, camping! Highlights for me were k.d. lang (OMG!!!) and the Siss Boom Bang (phenomenal talent - even better live, if that can be imagined!), as well as Little Feat, Lucinda Williams, Element Sircus jam sessions and dancing to funk until the wee hours. Red wine, henna tattoos, folk fest cookies, shared laughs (and sun screen!) and great vegan salads were other high points.

Turn up the Heat!
Although I learned that my sister is NOT a camper, that she really does NOT like crowds (I always thought she was the super social one, and I was more the introverted artist type... LOL), we managed to compromise with one another and enjoy the time together. She did bail on me after day three, but I enjoyed Day 4 with one of my brothers and Day 5 with my youngest daughter and company. And isn't that what July is about after all? Easy, relaxed and spontaneous - with limited structure in place so that the FUN can find you and shake loose the cobwebs.

...And, it's only July 18, so I can look forward to some more July magic - just doing what I love most, as it crosses my path xo!

A Day of Daisies

Have you ever walked waist high in a field of pure white daisies? It is surreal and lovely - like the hand of God has touched the land in an unsolicited gesture of benevolence.

Today I went to help a dear friend clear out her summer cottage of personal items - after much thought, she has opted to sell the property.

The lovely, lake-front lot is large - about 200 feet in length and 150 feet wide, and from the road way to the shore line it was full of the joyful white blooms, blazing bright in the midday sun - absolutely unexpected and spectacular. We were not alone in our wonder - while we were working there, a neighbor stopped by with her elderly mother, wondering if they could pick a few of the blooms! Like us, they were drawn to the vision of thousands of flowers filling the property lines from edge to edge.

Coming home this evening, I was curious to learn more about the daisy - I knew that white daisies symbolize innocence and friendship but knew little more than that. Reading up on the flowers, I discovered some interesting folklore attached to their sunny faces - apparently daisies have long been considered to be comfort sent from the heavens for all of the children lost as infants, explaining the root of their connection to purity and sweetness.

Curious how those daisies chose to dress my friend's property in particular - you do see daisies here and there along the road side, but this was a complete floral white-out!

As I type this, I am thinking of that empty cottage resting quietly in the summer moonlight, surrounded by a living sea of pure, white blooms - heavens' comfort for the loss of happy times and child-like joy? It feels good to know that those little flowers are there, gentle guardians; sturdy and abundant reminders of the enduring power of goodness through adversity.

I am sure the daisies are are equally wonderful under the starry skies, and I feel fortunate to have witnessed such a unique and beautiful natural event.

"The has but a summer reign, the daisy never dies." - James Montgomery, The Daisy

Meaghan XO!

Enter Meaghan McCarthy - the five-year-old Toronto kid that just wants to go to school, see her buddies and play - without breaking her fragile bones. This little sweetheart is battling a rare form of cancer, and her story was featured recently in the Globe and Mail.

The happy face smiling at me from the page touched my heart - her paper crown covered in crayon hearts tilted back on tousled blonde hair. Her story traveled straight to my core being- that special, eternal place in each of us that makes us give a damn.

I clipped the newspaper photo and keep it near my work computer so that I am reminded to send healing energy to that dear child and her family.

Although I am much older, and corrupted with the cynicism of my years, I still relate to Meaghan and her dreams. Like her, I just want to get out there and enjoy the day!

As you go about your busy-ness, should you be so lucky as to capture a sunbeam (or two!), please remember to share xo!

20 Reasons I Suck

You might as well know it - I am the original all-day sucker! Yeah, for starters, I generally wake up all bright and shiny and absolutely oblivious to the licking I am going to get each day!

Some days I just let all the drivel and drool roll down my slightly rounded shoulders - ah, the beauty of my design; form following function; blah, blah, blah.

To add to my plight, I am one of those 70s suckers with the Happy Face on it - it goes through all of the layers of my composition, so there is no escaping that daffy grin.

Today I just was ready to get in my car, drive it 'til the gas was gone and then start walking, like Forrest Gump. No beard to grow, but in time I am sure the shins would get some impressive fuzz happenin'.

I just feel like I am forever hitting the wall, missing the mark and failing at everything and with everyone I know - and then I have this stupid happy, chirpy thing going on, like a car with something shaking loose under the hood that no one can quite figure out, and even if I am dying, crying, melting, screaming, absolutely tortured half outta my mind, no one seems to notice anything but how stupid and incomplete and wrong I am. They just count on Sweet 'n Smiley to keep haulin' ass - right in the opposite direction.

So today I needed to get away and reflect on my situation. What if I just disappeared, what would happen? A few tears - dutiful ones from the adult daughters who really don't know what to make of their Momma. Real ones from my Son, who loves routine and I think really loves The Big Sucker a.k.a. His Mother. More dutiful tears from a handful of close friends - but in private they'd say, "Knew she was different..." And of course my own tears (I started early, btw... and told myself I was just practicing!) - my tears at being born such a big sucker! That would be about it and life goes on. Hardly worth my effort to disappear.

Bottom line - I am different, awkward, broken up a bit; that odd coloured sucker that someone buys because it is marked down and they are short on cash. I have never been quite the right Lolly for the job - too young, too old, too fat, too stupid, too shy, too loud, too religious, not religious enough, too geeky, too wordy, too dutiful, too ugly, too short, too tall, too many questions, too punctual, too white, too curious, too happy -- yes, way too happy and world really doesn't like happy because it creates tension; stretchy, smiley tension.

So I guess I will be sticking around, smiling (no choice, remember?). And that's at least 21 reasons - my rough count. Did I count wrong? Oh, sorry...

Mission Possible

Sometimes life has a way of knocking the stuffing out of a person - I know what it means to feel small, insignificant; powerless. But then sometimes people or events remind me that I have a purpose, that I have value, and that I can achieve many things through persistence and effort.

Yesterday I was reminded of the fragility and beauty of life - I am thankful for the nudge. I thought I would be at a gallery show opening, but I spent several hours at a hospital with friends instead, saying good bye to a gravely ill family member. Funny, how tight the curve can be some days - whipping us around and setting in motion a completely different turn of events! And although I could never have imagined my day unfolding as it did, I am absolutely certain that is where I was intended to be, for reasons known and unknown.

Humble, grateful; joyful at the altar
I sip the bitter nectar of this hour.
Wedded to thee, soul to soul
Tethered to eternal light
Amid the sweetness of
Spring blossoms.

Comfort Me

The first time I tasted bread with olive oil, balsamic vinegar and herbs I was visiting Restaurant Pellegrino with my Mom - the owners had my drawings framed and decorating the dining room and wanted me to see the result. (The owner's wife, Paulina, had modelled for me at University).

They treated us to a lovely lunch and I experienced the Italian tradition - took to it like a duck to water, btw... Travelling to Toscana last year, and having the local ingredients at my disposal was just a fantastic upgrade! I can still smell the moist, clean air and feel the beauty transforming my thoughts and dreams.

What is cool, is that we can get wonderful balsamic from Modena and great fresh breads here at home, but I have yet to find a oil that rivals what I tasted in Italia. I didn't buy anything fancy either - just the local Co-op brands and it topped anything I had ever sampled in Canada. Paired with some wonderful wine, well that's magnifico! Unpretentious, accessible luxury for the six senses.

So, it's a rainy holiday Monday and I am relaxing and remembering driving through Tuscany - the weather changing rapidly from sun to cloud to rain and back to sun again, as we drove through that magical countryside - like a fairy tale come to life. It's such a treat to have those memories to play back like favourite movie clips - comfort for the soul and inspiration to nudge it forward.

The Significance of SHE

I consider myself very fortunate to have had a loving Mother. I think of all of the little things she did for me as a kid, and how she continues to support me as an adult.

I have six siblings, so Mom was always "way beyond busy" keeping us all fed, watered and clothed - I get freaked out when I realize now that this ate up the majority of her waking hours, seven days a week, 365 days a year from the age of 23 until her late 40s.

So, don't ever underestimate the fortitude and strength of a woman, or a mother - 'nuff said! Despite a heavy schedule of parental obligation, my Mom still made time for extracurricular interests. She participated in women's groups, committees, sports and so on -- she also sang in the church choir, taught Sunday school, and led the Junior Choir for many of my childhood years. I remember how she would serve us all at mealtimes and would sometimes be eating standing up! I used to like it when she would finally sit down after dinner and she'd ask me to scratch her back or brush her hair - funny, how this family rituals evolve! We'd joke about grooming each other like monkeys...

All of the little details mean so much more when added up over time - Mom paid attention and took care of all of the little details. These are the things that make life special; both as a kid and as an adult - the sprinkles on the ice cream sundae. These are also the things that give us hope on a less-than perfect day and inspire personal creativity.

I recall how Mom would let us each pick what kind of birthday cake we wanted (home-baked, of course), and we would be "consulted" on the colour of the icing. Chiffon cakes were the trend in the 70s, so it was lemon chiffon, chocolate chiffon, poppy seed chiffon, orange chiffon, and so on... I remember choosing blue icing one time, and thinking..."Will she really make it BLUE?" (Yes, she did, and it was a luscious, improbable, kid-pleasing turquoise blue!).

I also got to pick my bedroom paint, wall paper and bedding at about age 8 or 9 - I chose some kinda crazy wall paper with these bobble-headed wedding party figures on it, and she thought that was just fine! (I LOVE my Momma!!!)

As an adult, there was a time when I left a horribly abusive work situation at great financial risk - I was sick with worry, having depleted my meager savings; I was wondering how I would feed my kids and desperately looking for work. I couldn't talk about it to anyone, and was beating myself up about my choices - in particular, for sticking it out at this particular sales position.

I hadn't said anything to anyone, I was so ashamed and felt like a total failure. Then, Mom showed up one evening with several bags of groceries: fruit, vegetables, milk, eggs, bread and other wonderful things, including treats for my little girls: it was like a living angel had heard my prayer and come to my door.

Thanks to my Mother, I lost my cloak of despair and was able to move on to a much better, salaried position in a matter of days. To this day, even when I am broke and nothing seems to be going right, I never feel poor and I never hesitate to give and to share what I have.

Good Stuff! Yes!

Living with passion - it is the truest form of courage. Far easier to blend in, play dumb, compromise etc. - trouble is you can compromise yourself out of existence!

Finally got my new k.d. lang cd in the mail this week - pre-ordered the first day that option came available (number one groupie..... yeah!) LOL.

Wow - it was worth the wait; and anticipation is good fuel for passion; my grandma would call it "courting". I hear a lot of what I initially loved about k.d. and her music (1980s - 90s!) on this album - the quirkiness, nostalgia, pure vocal range and (of course), personal passion! Nothing fake, no preservatives, no B.S.- just her unmatched talent and a whole lotta va-va-voom with the SBB.

I drove around the evening after I got this album, shopping for Easter nibblin's and such, and the sun was setting, and the sky was this surreal cocktail of cotton candy pink, lavender and denim blues - with k.d. in my head, I was floating peacefully along, all senses completely satisfied and happy, bubbling happy.

A nice bonus... if you pre-ordered the cd you got an autographed I Confess lyrics sheet from k.d. -- her signature is in some kind of horkin' Jiffy marker (WTF?), but it's that bit of fun and unexpected quality that makes me love it all the more. So.... still listening, still humming; connected to beauty straight from the heart of creativity.

Two Steps Back

This is what I woke to this morning - a blanket of white snow... in APRIL!!! It must have been very still over night, because the snow was perfectly coated onto every branch, wire and object with equal weight and measure - Mother Nature has OCD! (My wintery look is thanks to Hipstamatic --iPhone app; I was not frosted over like a beer mug, but snug in my jammies, indoors ;) I was the first one awake in the house this a.m., and when I saw all of the snow I worried a bit about my social butterfly daughter, who was out clubbing last night, and driving one of my cars. Then I saw her telltale little pump tracks from the garage to the back door of the house -- nice straight line too (good girl, Baby!). So, no need to check her bedroom - home safe and sound. Snow covered ground has a solemn honesty. Although I am really sick of winter weather conditions (especially when it is officially spring!), I must say that I was a bit spellbound by the quiet beauty and bluish-white light's reflection in my rooms during the early morning hours. There is something to be said for moments of solitude, and the spare, sterile quality after a snowfall further sets the stage for thoughtfulness. I enjoyed my morning coffee immensely, just watching the birds dig for seed; appreciating my time alone, and marvelling this chilly Saturday morning surprise.

Doing My Best

Brownie Handbook

I had a trip back in time this week when my girlfriend and I decided to look in a used book store over lunch hour. We had been in this particular shop before, and had purchased a Julia Child cook book, but we hadn't really spent much time in the place.

Until this week, we hadn't realized how big the shop is - a strange collection of irregular little rooms, awkwardly connected like odd beads on a string; each crammed floor to ceiling with different book categories and sections; and interspersed with jewelery, china, old photos and other collectibles - some treasure and a lot of trash. Squeezing into the fifth and final room in this maze, I found some kids books from the 1950s, 60s and 70s.

I first noticed Nancy Drew - the distinctive turquoise blue binding jumped out at me and I asked my girlfriend if she had read Nancy Drew - my sisters loved them but they were a bit before my time. "No", she replied, "I hated Nancy Drew - she was too perfect and I couldn't relate to her. I liked Trixie Belden - she was kind of a tom boy like me." Well we found some Trixie Belden books - originals from the 50s and some reprints from the 70s, and I wanted to buy her one, but she wasn't interested.

Then I saw it... the Brownie Handbook! It was in pristine condition and only $4.75 -- my eyes teared up as I thumbed through the illustrations. I was eight again, in my brown leotards, beret and tunic - Brownies were uber cool and a pretty big deal for me back in the day!

But I am trying to cut back on frivolous spending, and declutter my life, so I put the book back and stepped out of the past, into my adult shoes, leaving the child inside me dancing around a mushroom while Tawny Owl and my fellow Imps and Pixies looked on.

As we left the store, my girlfriend stopped at the front counter - I thought, just to talk to the shop keeper. Then I saw she had the Brownie Handbook in hand. She just knows what my

heart needs - better than I do sometimes; what can I say?

I am keeping the Handbook on my office desk - a reminder of the little girl who just wanted to do her best every day and have a little fun in the process - a little girl for who the world was full of positivity and promise.

Red, White, Green

Last March I was travelling through Tuscany with my son and my best friend - it was Spring Break for my little guy, and we all had an amazing adventure. This year, I am sticking close to home, but Italy has been on my mind! I used to really hate March because, not only is the weather miserable and fickle (is spring coming or not???), but I also lost my Father (1999) and my niece (2004) in March, so there was always this association with loss, grief and emptiness. Having visited Toscana and experienced the warmth of the people, the surreal beauty of the landscape and unmatched flavours, textures and colours that only that region can provide, I am finding that my memories of that magical time have cancelled out the muddy, cold patch that was my March experience.

Breathing the cool air and face to the sunshine, I recall my bare feet on the terra cotta floors of our villa, making Cafe Vergnano in the little kitchen that opened to a private terrace. The succulent blood oranges, dreamy yogurt, incredible prosciutto and cheese, and just the scent of the air -- I can replay the experience with complete, vivid recall.

I feel fortunate to have experienced such beauty and goodness, and that my son also enjoyed and remembers fondly our time together in Italy. It is such a gift to have memories of sorrow replaced by ones of creativity, engagement of the six senses and rejuvenation of the spirit.

Until we can return, Toscana, I will recreate little pieces of you in my daily life: wrapped in my moss-green cashmere cape, walking in the sunshine and cool air, and looking for beauty in the ordinary things around me.

Tranquility

White Light
For an artist, a white canvas is both a challenge and an opportunity - you can do anything you want, limited only by your imagination. It is very much like stepping out into the winter air and being the first to make an impression in the newly fallen snow.

Right now I have several canvases and objects awaiting my painterly touch - it's like the stark winter landscape is sneaking into my studio as winter hangs on into March. I don't want to go out, so it is coming to find me.

Seeing that I am beginning to fade away, my employer has ordered me to take a creative day this coming week - starting to get excited, but that day (although greatly appreciated) is never quite enough; I could lose myself in my studio (or find myself?) for days on end.

Snow Drifts
By this time of the year, I admit that I am tired of the blanched landscapes of my homeland -- post-blizzard this a.m. the view was almost blinding; even with my transitions glasses perched on my nose! But there is purity and introspection and inspiration in that whiteness -- and yes, great beauty. The bride awaits and I have assumed the role of her suitor.

Paying Attention

Isn't it nice when people take time to notice the little things that matter to you? Colours, flavours, textures, sound - whether or not we think about it, our senses are working and taking in all of this wonderful information; and we respond to it all in some fashion, often without complete awareness.

It really is remarkable when others care enough to notice what makes us respond, because not everyone takes time to attune to their own presence, let alone the needs and interests of others. In grade school I remember asking my best friend about her favourite colour, her favourite game - all of her favourite things. That was really important to us back then - it would have been inconceivable to not know all of those best-loved things!

How and when did I forget to take that kind of passionate interest in others? Do you know your best friend's favourites? Have you thought about your own favourites lately?

The famous architect, Mies Van Der Rohe, said so much when he quipped, "God is in the details".

Reconnecting

"When we reconnect to what our soul is yearning for, we will find ourselves naturally expressing our passion and experiencing the expansion of happiness in our life." - Deepak Chopra