Cowgirl Zen

By Pam Hadder

No one has a path without obstacles, disappointments, pain and hardship -and sometimes, if you face the world smiling, people assume that you have it easy.  They may even hate you for it and may work damned hard to wipe that little smile off your face.

And these aren't monsters or criminals coming at your heart and soul with bombs and daggers- it's all of the regular folks you are surrounded by and that you interact with while doing all those mundane life tasks, attacking you with words and little subversive actions: maybe it's your family, work mates, neighbours, acquaintances...

You know what I'm talking about and maybe you've been part of the problem - impatience, inconsiderate behaviours, snide little remarks, back-handed compliments; things you think won't think will get back to the person - or maybe you secretly harbour a little snippet of hope that those darts will hit their mark? I have experienced this strange backlash many times in my working and personal life - sometimes it comes all in a bundle and I will joke about wearing my "weirdo magnet!"  I can't explain meanness - who can?  But maybe efforts at kindness and decency are read as Pollyanna-style idealism; or maybe happy folks are seen as a mark, a dupe to be exploited?  Think about it - what makes people want to bash Barney the Dinosaur, for goodness sake (remember, Barney was created for little toddlers, not adults).  Why does the general public constantly look for ways to denigrate celebrities, politicians and other public figures? Why is there always this need to target someone and bring them to their knees?  For what purpose?

Who knows, but another side to the "bash the optimist" phenomenon is that there is something peculiar and dark about our culture that likes to seek out the dirt; to crush successes and joy, and to focus on the negative  - in fact, there is great energy expended to create negatives where none existed; to seed and nurture and grow darkness! How many times have you seen Canadian performers celebrated around the world but ridiculed at home?  Celine Dion and Justin Bieber come to mind. You may not like their music or style, but can't you appreciate their mega successes and be happy for them; be inspired by them?

Personally, I am encouraged and delighted when people are successful, happy and living within their ideals - whatever those may be - it gives me hope.  I also can appreciate that it takes tremendous focus and discipline and persistence to be true to your dreams, and to remain positive in an environment that is increasingly focused on the negative.  Happiness is a choice - but it's not an easy choice.  Sometimes its really hard to find a little nugget of goodness to hang on to.

I have occasionally cursed my buoyant optimism - because 99% of the time, I wake up happy and eager to greet the day, do my best; try and try again - and many times I hit the hard wall (or floor!) of soul-crushing resistance.  Because, the world is not kind to optimists, to peaceniks, to artists, and to dreamers. Being an optimist is NOT an easy choice - you will be labelled as unrealistic, daft, blind to reality etc.  But the reality is - my reality; my personal reality is very much a choice, a carefully crafted construct - and most of the time, the goodness wins out over all of the detractors, because I do not allow them to have power over my time, my choices, my reality.

We all know there is too much hatred, paranoia, cruelty, violence, propaganda, ignorance, poverty, unfairness, injustice, bigotry, racism, bullying, sexism, ageism, religiosity, intolerance, radicalism, and reactivity.  It's pretty easy to destroy things, to bitch, to criticize; to dismantle - but  to create,  to balance,  to remain calm, to think of gentle solutions - these take courage; a soft, subtle strength that endures much, but is often unacknowledged and under-appreciated. I imagine myself, at this moment, writing down all of those ugly words, I am out at my favourite camp site, and I am dropping them into my camp fire - I watch them blacken and see them turn to orange sparks and  bits of grey ash, rising up into the night sky; purified by the stars' eternal beauty.  It feels good to imagine that - like adding some bleach to the dirtiest laundry you can imagine ;)

So who am I  to prat on about this?  Just a person who gives a damn, some zen-minded cowgirl, trying to do her best with what she was given. I really think the Dalai Lama said it best: "My religion is kindness."

Shimmy and Roll!

By Pam Hadder

Ok, I admit it, I am grieving summer like a mother bird who's watching her last chick take flight.  And to comfort myself, I am thinking of the past months and all of the little joys and pleasures I have been so fortunate to enjoy.

At one point in my life - I'd been laid off from my dream job and was making a go of it for a good, but low-on-personal-fulfillment employer - and I used to keep a small notebook handy: a gratitude journal. Everyday, in the stark lunchroom, on my own; feeling orphaned and hopeless, I would religiously list everything I was grateful for.  Like a mantra, some of the entries were redundant and repetitious, but it was more socially acceptable than rocking in a corner and gnawing on my nails! It was comforting and kept my mood up in spite of the bland, sensory deprivation I was experiencing.

So, now I'm in a much better place, I have so much autonomy and so much opportunity, but it's still the little things that make my day - the little gems, the glimpses, the subtle richness of life. My list is an oddball mix (like the author) - experiences, tastes, textures and products too.  But what ties it all together is appreciation.  More and more I recognize and acknowledge that  I have been blessed and that awareness of goodness on my path is in itself a great beam of providence, shining down on my unworthy head.  So here's the list...

Sunsets - have they been more spectacular lately, or am I just more in tune?

Avocados - one should always have two: one ready to eat, and one just about ripe.  So good for you too, so that's just a bonus!

Brow powder - "brow powder?" you say? Yes - consider life without eye brows, they frame the eyes for goodness sake!  And the powder gives a much more natural enhancement vs. pencil.

Music and guitar - my teacher was so right when he said, "...just strum that guitar and enjoy the sound and the vibrations against your rib cage" - a little slice of heaven, when the sound is just right!

Frank's Red Hot Sauce.... omg, where were you earlier in my life, Frank?  That stuff is just so fan-freakin-tasty!!!!  Really love it on tofu stir fry and my curried chick peas... nom... nom...

Aveda Madder Root hair conditioner - keeps the fire in my reddish locks :)

Friends - my Dad always said I'd be lucky if I had one or two true friends in life - you know who they are... the ones who don't try to tell you what to do; to change you.  They would be disappointed if you weren't you - and when you see them, it's like no time has passed, even if it's been years.  They seem to know when you need a hug and they are your champion, cheering you on with every lame-brained idea you have and every crazy obstacle you tackle.

The list goes on and on... but you get the idea.  And the friends, well, they are the constant throughout all of the tasting, trying, failing, laughing, swearing, crying, sleeping, waking, sharing, caring, failing again, falling, singing, rising, being, and loving.

Learning Curves

By Pam Hadder


Like one tiny puff of cloud in an otherwise empty sky, our ideas and dreams are born, and we witness them grow and change, or perhaps dissipate,  unacknowledged.  With music, sometimes there is a riff that comes to us and ingratiates itself -- hinting or even demanding that we give it some attention. As with any creative gift, we need to pay heed or risk losing the opportunity.

Poetry, lyrics, painting, and even work-based solutions all can be experienced in this way - have you ever sat in a brain storming session of any kind and it felt was impossible; a complete waste of time - coffee growing colder; you can hear the stomach gurgles and eyelid blinks?

Although I have always known that creativity can't be forced -- my life repeatedly affirms this theory! Humankind imagines that it is very clever, and, granted, we are all moderately so.  But what I have learned, and what continues to be reinforced for me, is that these tiny inspirations and seemingly silly notions are a great gift.  Our task is to attune ourselves to them, and take them and apply them - the universe is nudging us to write our prose, capture the imagery or add lyrics to the melody.  And... this is not hard work or torture - we need only submit ourselves with openness to the possibilities; it's as natural to us all as breathing.

Of course, there are so many things we can't control - and that can be a scary thought.  However, what we can control is our environment and how we respond to it - the climate for productivity differs for each of us, and we need to explore and be comfortable with our own unique situation.  Have you known people who can never be alone or in complete silence?  There is nothing wrong with that; perhaps it's torture for them!  Or those that need complete silence to "think" - every pin-drop is like a ogre's heavy foot step?  Most of us are likely somewhere in between; or we vacillate between needs for stimulation and repose.

Most of all, regardless of our ideals for living, we need to be open - open to newness, to previously unseen possibilities, to learning; to stepping outside our carefully constructed boundaries.

Why not take those little clouds and shape them with your time and talent.