Friends, the Emperor and Yoga

By Pam Hadder

I have decided to make a conscious effort to connect in real time with real folks – personally and professionally, every fibre of who I am is rejecting virtual falsehoods.   It’s like seeing someone you love eating crap, doing drugs or otherwise making unhealthy decisions – it’s a living lie and an overall “downer.” Don’t get me wrong – I love technology – I value and rely on the ease of applications and software to make my livelihood, and I have made a few meaningful personal and professional connections via social media and other online connections.  But let’s call the bluff – you know it’s true – you have to sift through a lot of detritus to find those diamonds in the dust! Time is precious, time is money, and I don’t want to pour out any more of my energy; nor do I wish to waste moments that could be funneled into real time, hands-on experiences – in my case, time outdoors, guitar/drums/dulcimer, fine art/painting/illustration, friends/family/loved ones.  

I am blessed to have full working use of my six senses, and I no longer want to limit their use to the virtual! Let me explain my path... when social media was gaining steam from a marketing perspective, I HAD to be engaged in it and  was obliged to try things – so that I could understand any benefits it could have for my clients.  To ignore the social media trend was like wearing an “I am old and obsolete” nametag!  So in short order my personal accounts became my guinea pigs, crash test dummies etc., and the rest is history!   Clients were insecure about being out of the loop (tech dinosaur syndrome) and had to have social media added to their websites – and in our industry (advertising and marketing), where insecurities are leveraged for gain, we were doubly doused in the frenzy – scrambling to understand, engage and stay ahead of the game.  And it is indeed a big game.

As I have stated, it has not been a complete loss, but I recognize that I am weary of the falsehood, I can’t play dumb, and thus the time has come for me to disassociate my vibrant, 3-D self from the virtual.  I am fully enjoying letting my feet feel the sensation of gravity: concrete, grass and earth; and real in-person human connection!  It reminds me of when I broke my leg in 1990 and how I felt when they took off the cast – scary but very real; magick! I should also point out that I was an “early bloomer” on Facebook.  We had a work group back in the day – three hundred of us found ourselves out of work when our employer sold the business and this “new, free networking thing” called Facebook was a way for us to share support, legal information, job leads etc.  So Facebook was my initiation into what was first called “new media” and which became “social media,” and it served the purpose.  So when social media started to push into the business realm, I was already familiar with it; it was “comfortable.”

Don’t get me wrong, I am not bailing on all of my “friends” and “followers” but I am disengaging from any falseness that I can detect.  Remember when it was all about the number of friends you had on Facebook?   Or can you remember the thrill of launching your first Twitter account, and within seconds you had new connections? Anyone could do it – even little kids could do it! It was a big ego gratifier and due to the ease of access it allowed many voiceless underdogs to shape a public persona that had power, esteem and meaning – virtually.  In my working context, social media was initially seen as a good “free” tool for all sizes and types of organizations to gain general awareness or for product and event-specific promotion.  I say “free” because marketers like myself soon caught on that there was a massive time investment with social media – content needed to be meaningful and you needed a lot of it.  Consider that the life of a tweet is (at best!) three hours, and you do the math from there!  Meaningful and relevant content that was also timely (i.e. strategic process) – this was and is seldom seen or achieved, and to date, no reputable academic studies have been able to prove that high numbers of followers, web site hits, etc. directly correlate to increased revenues for business.  Social media is making some people rich, but it’s not the business or personal account users, it is the developers who are raking in the cash!

To make matters worse, along the way people have lost their sense of reality, and along with it quality and integrity.  Because almost anyone can access the platforms, there has been overwhelming saturation of information and a dumbing down of quality. Therefore you will find that in the virtual world it’s quite easy to shape a persona or brand identity and make it look appealing and cool – but what is the real-time, in-person experience?  When you get to the nitty-gritty of things, is it just a virtual ego game, or does the person or the business have any real value? When was the last time you had really good after-care service? When was the last time someone really anticipated your needs and delivered on time?  When was the last time you felt that true warmth of connection?  The BIG factor, is that at some point, for legitimate personal and business pursuits, you need to connect in the realm of reality.

What makes or breaks your day?  Do you really care who unfollows you on Twitter or unfriends you on Facebook or what some random person says on your Instagram account?  Are you paying for groups of followers so that you look more appealing for “real” followers?  Do you waste aimless hours eating visual eye candy on Pinterest? Do you automate social media to free up valuable time?  Do you ever ask yourself – what the hell am I actually achieving?

Three final words:  friends, the emperor and yoga. 
1) FRIENDS:  my Dad, who was often disappointed by fickle, back-stabbing, small-minded colleagues (he worked for government – imagine your favourite Dilbert cartoon, complete with Pointy-Haired Boss) –  Dad always said if you were lucky you would have two or three true friends in your life.  You know the ones – you can call them anytime, ask them anything, they tell you they love you; they don’t try and change you – AND they build you up; they celebrate when you succeed!

2) THE EMPEROR:  have you ever read the story, “The Emperor’s New Clothes?” – if you haven’t you should.  It’s a kids’ story and the moral of the story is about deception – truth and reality.  Social media is our modern day “emperor’s new clothes!”   Once you get it, you can’t live the lie –even if everyone else is; you can’t un-see the truth, you can’t un-learn what you know is factual.

3) YOGA:  why this huge popularity with yoga these days? Based in traditional Ayurvedic medicine, yoga is about wellness of the body and mind – it requires real-time connection and physical and mental awareness.  Human minds and bodies are trying to disconnect from the false and reconnect to what matters.  It may not mean yoga for you, but it might. Over and Oooohhhmmmm ...

Hate Bomb

By Pam Hadder

We made you, we can destroy you.  There is deeply disturbing love-hate relationship with celebrity – it’s nothing new, but technology access has allowed destructive, spiteful behaviour to mushroom out of control. The vilest diatribes are vaulted into cyberspace without regard of who might be hurt, a volley of cruel imagery and words. With their assumed cloak of invisibility, users can be unbelievably base.

Celebrities: we are dazzled by their charisma, we are awed by their stature, and we fantasize about the wealth they enjoy; imagining a life of luxury and unimaginable abundance. Yet we love to see them brought to their knees, humiliated and ultimately destroyed – we made you, we can destroy you.  What does this say of human nature?  I like to think I’m not so evil a creature, but I’m not immune to enjoying some tabloid-style schlock. As a woman that has always felt the pressure to weigh less, be more feminine, and has never able to achieve 100% acceptance, my heart does warm a little when the paparazzi sneak pics of stars without makeup, for example!  I want to say, “See, they are just people – packaged and airbrushed; they have typical human ‘flaws’ – they aren’t what you think!”

Think of the great icons of film, music and public life, people like Elvis and Marilyn.  Pushed and manipulated by studios, managers and agents; addicted to drugs and ultimately destroyed as they strove to be thin enough, vivacious enough; to fit the hypersexualised, surreal die that had been cast.  Even at the peak of studio-manipulated “perfection,” Marilyn and Elvis were never enough; they could not satiate the human monster. A lot of people got rich, and a lot of folks are still making money on their celebrity. What do Lady Diana, Bill Clinton, Lindsey Lohan, Amy Winehouse, Amanda Bynes, Miley Cyrus and Justin Bieber have in common?  They have all been ruthlessly stalked, singled out and bullied, and some of them are no longer with us – did we push them over the edge?  I was sickened when Amy Winehouse died and jerks who had belittled her for her appearance and addictions cooed, “Oh what a tragic loss!”  Hypocrites.

Yes, I’m just as guilty; just as vulnerable to salacious gossip – I am far from blameless. But I clearly see that Justin Bieber is just someone’s son, a kid who experienced unusual success at a very young age and who is trying to fit in– he’s just a few years older than my own son for goodness sake.  Seeing Biebs in prison orange with bad skin just feels so uncomfortable; it makes me want to scream, “Where the hell are the good people – and where is his family in all of this?”  I worry for him and for us.  We should consider that he is being exploited by hangers-on who will be gone as soon as the money and drugs run out. Even on my toughest day when I am juggling bills and hustling for work, I wouldn’t trade places with Bieber or any other hounded “celebrity” not even for one hour – no thanks!  And as we enter the month of love, I choose to express my opinions with great care - love first, love without bounds. You are self-made; I choose to honour your existence.