To Thine Own Self

The past two years have been very hectic - not without joy, delight or accomplishment, but with little room just to be, just to exist. I think creative folks just need that down time - the mind and body seldom rest from purposeful processes and analyses.

My Mom used to say that once you have kids the fast forward switch goes on - one day you look in the mirror and the lines and grey hairs are there and you just think, what the...???

I often wonder if there is something scientific behind my Mom's prediction ? As my kids grow and become increasingly independent, I keep expecting to be able to draw on a little more of that precious life-affirming juice, aka "down-time", but it seems like the reverse is true! Am I overly conscientious? Do I need to be more assertive at home and in the work world? Where is the time going (really; truly) - I feel too busy, to involved to really take stock and the self-bank of me-ness is running low and lower!

Recently, I asked a group of adult learners to list their top ten strengths - referring, of course, to personal attributes that they could draw upon for the creation of a resume and during job interviews. Most could only list three to five, and this dismal response and disconnection from self awareness and potential was just so discouraging. Then I remembered a pearl of wisdom I once heard - that we are frustrated most by shortcomings we also share.

Although I am not in the market for a new career, I also began to think that maybe I was losing touch with my own strengths - I always maintain that a person should keep an up-to-date CV, cover letter template and references at hand, as a way of remembering all you are and all that you have to offer the world. It is so easy to become lost in the busy-ness of daily life and to forget the intricate richness with which we are each blessed.

I began the list and it flowed fast and easily...

COMPASSIONATE
ANALYTICAL
CREATIVE
ETHICAL
PASSIONATE
ARTISTIC
MUSICAL
ARTICULATE
LOVING
POSITIVE
ATHLETIC
APPRECIATIVE
HUMOUROUS
FORGIVING
LOYAL
HARD-WORKING
RESULTS -ORIENTED
JOYFUL
KIND
RESOURCEFUL
CARING
RESPONSIVE
ACCURATE
LIFE-LONG LEARNER
COMMITTED
VISIONARY
BIG-PICTURE THINKER
HUMANITARIAN
MENTOR
VOLUNTEER
LEADER
TEAM MEMBER
CAREFUL

Last week I also entered four of my colour photos in a National Geographic photo contest - a small thing, yes, but significant to me. Although I majored in photography in university, my recent years have consisted of mostly "Mom shots" of my three kids. Of the four images chosen, my favourite is featured in this entry - the dragonfly photo that I call "Backyard Angel".

I remember how that dragonfly patiently posed for me on the weathered fence boards. I was fascinated by the blues and greens of his steely armoured plates, and how, up close, the delicate wings looked like ornate wrought iron railings. I think also, that at my best, I relate to the dragonfly - buzzing purposefully, efficient and sturdy; a profound asset in my chosen environment.

But at times, when my fuel tank feels low and I lose sight of my talent and abilities, I envy the dragonfly's freedom - it's time to dust off, time to use my wings; time to soar... I was made to soar.

River Poem

For the first time in a long while, I walked alongside the river tonight after dinner, all on my own - felt so nice not to have any earbuds in, to not have to hold a conversation, and just to enjoy the sounds and smells along the way.

I used to walk the same route five or six times a week with about two or three variations in the route. I never seemed to tire of it - even at -50 degrees celcius, there I'd be trundling along like Sir Edmond Hillary, gender-questionable in my multiple layers. Then somehow, work got more hectic and life more stressful, and I slowly got out of my established routine. Now I am starting to schedule some of these favourite things back into my days - mostly because I miss how my body used to feel after those walks; strong, supple and glowing.

RIVER POEM
Sweet clover, road tar, corn on the cob and dill weed -
Strange but compelling perfume!
Mallard's cluck, boat motor, frog chorus; sparrow's song -
My ears are eager for each new tone!
Foot fall percussion - gravel, grass, tarmac, grass...
My heart drums happily along :)
When I smile at dogs and they smile back -
That's a precious connection;
Windblown hair and dusty paws!
Waiting at home, my chiller mug with water
Simple luxuries - just to move, to breathe and to be
Alone by the river, but complete in myself.

La la la lang xo!

Chasing Rainbows

Hard to explain why certain sounds, tastes or colours make me respond so profoundly - and why do the things that make MY cheeks flush and heart race leaves others asking, "whaaa...???" All part of what makes me an individual, I suppose.

Case in point... just got back from a musical pilgrimage to San Francisco. k.d. lang and the Siss Boom Bang were performing at the Robert Mondavi Winery, near Oakville California, and I have been captivated by k.d. lang since I first saw her doing some crazy hokey pokey with semi-fauxhawk hair in the 1980s - my friends went "whaaaa???" while I hokey pokey'd along smiling and clapping like a happy toddler.

My recent trek to Cali was part deux of what has become The k.d. Summer; starting with my birthday wknd at the Winnipeg Folk Fest, where she rocked the mainstage with her magnifcent talent. She is a rare artist who is exponentially better live - and the new band def kicks ass!

Her performance at Mondavi was equally breathtaking, btw... Now that my double dose of k.d. has passed, however, I feel grateful but decidely post-experience-MEH - no doubt spoiled by the sheer fire and beauty of her live performance, and too low on $$$ and free time to chase down another k.d. rainbow... in yet another city!

This was my first visit to Mondavi, and I was happy to confirm a few days ahead of the concert that the venue only holds about 1500 people - rare today to be able to enjoy an acclaimed artist like La Lang in such an intimate setting. The downside... some disorganization among the well-intentioned volunteers and staff at the event. We actually (inadvertantly!)paid for FOUR VIP tickets (for two of us, LOL) and had a devil of a time getting our correct seats near the stage. Finally it was sorted, but we did not get to finish the second half of our $195.00 dinners, and did not receive the two special bottles of wine we had pre-ordered/pre-paid for with our tix, waaay back in March. And my friend (another long-term k.d. lang devotee) also was dismayed to find that "VIP" ranking we were so happy to get in on, did NOT include any hope of getting an autograph, in spite of the small crowd.

What was supposed to be my long overdue k.d. connection was a bit of a disconnect, I'm afraid. At Folk Fest, I had friends working back stage, and had been offered back stage admission to possibly meet k.d. and co - I couldn't believe that this opportunity had landed within my clumsy grasp! Again, the gods were against me and, by the time I could connect with my contact and get anywhere close to the back stage, the band had already left the venue (over 35.000 folks at this performance!!!).

So, my k.d. dream has been uprooted, replanted, uprooted and replanted again. Will it ever be realized or will it simply become a larger and more wistful fantasy? Time will tell...as k.d. sings, long after she's gone the music will live on - xo!

Four Strings

When most people think of banjo and they think BLUEGRASS - well there's much more to it. Until the electric guitar became such a big part of ensemble music, the four-string tenor banjo's rich tones were integral to jazz music.

My thrill of the week (maybe the month, the year???) was having my friend un-case her banjo (yes, four-string tenor) yesterday and play a few licks. Ain't She Sweet and Bye Bye Blues - sweet indeed and blue no longer - OMG!

The kicker... I got to add a little paint to her 70s banjo case - complete with Hang Ten style feet and daisies, I kept her young girl art intact and touched up a bit of the colour, adding in a few more flowers. Love when music, art and summer all meld together - heaven piercing thru the mundane day to let us know what really matters xo! BTW... Photos are details of a visual journal portrait I did for The Bird - play on, Girl, your talent is a spectacular gift.

Dance Like There's No One Watching

July is my favourite month of the year. I'm not sure if it's because I was born in July, but I start to long for July in early January. I mourn its passing from late August until Christmas arrives and makes me forget about summer for a few days! I guess you could say that when it's not July, I am chasing its warm shadows with anticipation and longing. July is like that first kiss, the childhood crush, young love. July is invincible, intoxicating, immortal. Once you've tasted July, every other month just seems to be missing a little spice, you know what I'm saying?

Lazy, Hazy Days
I love the heat, the rapid growth of plants and flowers, the lazy aura of early summer, the reduced traffic in the city as people flee to lakes and rivers to cool off, the starry nights with shooting stars, and camping/cooking my food on a fire. There is always someone doing something whimsical in July, even in the city on a work day - a street festival, an impromptu picnic, a free music concert, or some kind of fun event in a breezy outdoor setting! It just seems like everyone is more in touch with their inner child - a little fanciful and a little less serious.

July + July
I am from a family of seven children, and I have four older siblings - three of which are sisters! My oldest sister and I are nine years apart, but we share July birthdays that are only one day apart. We have shared birthday celebrations many times over the past twenty-five years or so, and last year we made a pact to spend our birthdays together enjoying a local July experience - the Winnipeg Folk Fest. Winnipeg Folk Fest always happens during both of our birthdays and we both love music and art, so it seemed like a perfect fit!

The event is five days long - with over sixty musical acts to enjoy, as well as arts, crafts, great food and much more. And... of course, camping! Highlights for me were k.d. lang (OMG!!!) and the Siss Boom Bang (phenomenal talent - even better live, if that can be imagined!), as well as Little Feat, Lucinda Williams, Element Sircus jam sessions and dancing to funk until the wee hours. Red wine, henna tattoos, folk fest cookies, shared laughs (and sun screen!) and great vegan salads were other high points.

Turn up the Heat!
Although I learned that my sister is NOT a camper, that she really does NOT like crowds (I always thought she was the super social one, and I was more the introverted artist type... LOL), we managed to compromise with one another and enjoy the time together. She did bail on me after day three, but I enjoyed Day 4 with one of my brothers and Day 5 with my youngest daughter and company. And isn't that what July is about after all? Easy, relaxed and spontaneous - with limited structure in place so that the FUN can find you and shake loose the cobwebs.

...And, it's only July 18, so I can look forward to some more July magic - just doing what I love most, as it crosses my path xo!

A Day of Daisies

Have you ever walked waist high in a field of pure white daisies? It is surreal and lovely - like the hand of God has touched the land in an unsolicited gesture of benevolence.

Today I went to help a dear friend clear out her summer cottage of personal items - after much thought, she has opted to sell the property.

The lovely, lake-front lot is large - about 200 feet in length and 150 feet wide, and from the road way to the shore line it was full of the joyful white blooms, blazing bright in the midday sun - absolutely unexpected and spectacular. We were not alone in our wonder - while we were working there, a neighbor stopped by with her elderly mother, wondering if they could pick a few of the blooms! Like us, they were drawn to the vision of thousands of flowers filling the property lines from edge to edge.

Coming home this evening, I was curious to learn more about the daisy - I knew that white daisies symbolize innocence and friendship but knew little more than that. Reading up on the flowers, I discovered some interesting folklore attached to their sunny faces - apparently daisies have long been considered to be comfort sent from the heavens for all of the children lost as infants, explaining the root of their connection to purity and sweetness.

Curious how those daisies chose to dress my friend's property in particular - you do see daisies here and there along the road side, but this was a complete floral white-out!

As I type this, I am thinking of that empty cottage resting quietly in the summer moonlight, surrounded by a living sea of pure, white blooms - heavens' comfort for the loss of happy times and child-like joy? It feels good to know that those little flowers are there, gentle guardians; sturdy and abundant reminders of the enduring power of goodness through adversity.

I am sure the daisies are are equally wonderful under the starry skies, and I feel fortunate to have witnessed such a unique and beautiful natural event.

"The has but a summer reign, the daisy never dies." - James Montgomery, The Daisy