Red Letter Days!

Thinking back over 2011 this morning - enjoying looking over some photos. These images represent a few highlights of a very full, very productive year.

Late in 2010, my New Year muse, my inspiration came to me, and the word was EMERGENCE. I wasn't sure of what that meant for me, but I do recall this bubbling-up feeling in my heart - something wonderful was brewing

As I think about all of those red letter days of 2011, I am wondering what 2012 will inspire, where I will be, who I will meet and so on. Many thoughts and words have fluttered past my frame of interest in the past few weeks, but nothing seems to "stick" or resonate with me. There is, however, this internal tug-of-war with anticipation and temperance -no doubt about it, the future is tantalizing and teasing me! Patience, I must be reminded, is my hidden talent!

Red letter moments in 2011? There were so many: watching my kids grow and achieve so many wonderful things; sharing San Fransisco adventures and the blue skies over the ocean at Monterey; perfect weather all summer long, two live performances of kd lang (awright!!!), my new guitar (love you, Pearl!), returning to university, time with friends, and so much more! All the while, it's been fast, furious and frenzied, but with an underlying sense of purpose - like a supernatural booster pack was stapped to my soul to blast me to the next level!

What's next? Bring it on!

Transforming Transformation

Early morning lends itself to intropsection and reflection. On this particularly peaceful morning, I am thinking back upon 2011, and I am feeling especially grateful for the many experiences enjoyed and lessons learned.

Some times in our lives are just so full - the content forming, contantly changing and billowing over, faster than we can take it all in! It takes tremendous focus and energy to grab onto what we can and really be present in a particular experience or situation.

If, like me, you have many personal and business interests and many competing demands upon your allotment of daily hours, you will appreciate the angst that can brew to the surface during these highly productive, fast-paced life moments.

Every year, a word comes to me as the old year wanes away - for 2011 the word was EMERGENCE. What was I emerging from? From time to time throughout the year, I was doubtful of my muse! However, as events and opportunities and disappointments all unfolded, I began to see that I was emerging from self-doubt and inertia and reconnecting with my truest self and her dreams. The result, as I look back, is a remarkable free-flowing creation that is my unique interface with this lifetime.

So, on the cusp of a new year, I eagerly await the next gentle nudge that the from the universe - I feel so fortunate and so joyful. I know she will not disappoint me, if I only attune myself to her cues.

Hard 2 Love

Admit it, we all know them - those folks that make us feel like a cat having its coat stroked in the wrong direction. At best, we can accept we are just on a different page, and at worst we want to scream and rush from the room... or jump from a moving vehicle!

When I was ten or eleven years old, a woman from my church told me that "...some people are just hard to love!" I recall how I groaned inside, and thought, "Good grief - beam me up Scottie!" But recently, frustrated by general rudeness and self-centredness around me, I remembered her words.

A light turned on inside of me - not a brilliant starburst, just a dull glow, like a kid's comforting night light :) But I got it - or at least I was able to recall her message, and I found something that I could both live with, and live within!

Those hard to love people... they are missing something that we have an ability to share with them, and they need our love more than they know or can appreciate. Think of it like a vitamin deficiency - if it is serious enough, a doctor will recommend a treatment plan; perhaps injections, or high doses of pharmaceutical grade supplements.

We should give our goodness and our love freely and without discrimination, not because we will feel better, and not so that we will be rewarded in any way - and it won't necessarily make us like those hard to love folks more! We should give with love because we have been blessed with the ability and means to do so, just like a Doctor has the training and ability to facilitate physical healing.

Also, I am wondering if when I feel that revulsion and resistance with others, if I have crossed over to some awkward state where human contact is repugnant, or worse yet, where others find me unworthy of kindness and consideration.

Deep thoughts on a dark and rainy night...it appears that I have my work cut out for me!

To Thine Own Self

The past two years have been very hectic - not without joy, delight or accomplishment, but with little room just to be, just to exist. I think creative folks just need that down time - the mind and body seldom rest from purposeful processes and analyses.

My Mom used to say that once you have kids the fast forward switch goes on - one day you look in the mirror and the lines and grey hairs are there and you just think, what the...???

I often wonder if there is something scientific behind my Mom's prediction ? As my kids grow and become increasingly independent, I keep expecting to be able to draw on a little more of that precious life-affirming juice, aka "down-time", but it seems like the reverse is true! Am I overly conscientious? Do I need to be more assertive at home and in the work world? Where is the time going (really; truly) - I feel too busy, to involved to really take stock and the self-bank of me-ness is running low and lower!

Recently, I asked a group of adult learners to list their top ten strengths - referring, of course, to personal attributes that they could draw upon for the creation of a resume and during job interviews. Most could only list three to five, and this dismal response and disconnection from self awareness and potential was just so discouraging. Then I remembered a pearl of wisdom I once heard - that we are frustrated most by shortcomings we also share.

Although I am not in the market for a new career, I also began to think that maybe I was losing touch with my own strengths - I always maintain that a person should keep an up-to-date CV, cover letter template and references at hand, as a way of remembering all you are and all that you have to offer the world. It is so easy to become lost in the busy-ness of daily life and to forget the intricate richness with which we are each blessed.

I began the list and it flowed fast and easily...

COMPASSIONATE
ANALYTICAL
CREATIVE
ETHICAL
PASSIONATE
ARTISTIC
MUSICAL
ARTICULATE
LOVING
POSITIVE
ATHLETIC
APPRECIATIVE
HUMOUROUS
FORGIVING
LOYAL
HARD-WORKING
RESULTS -ORIENTED
JOYFUL
KIND
RESOURCEFUL
CARING
RESPONSIVE
ACCURATE
LIFE-LONG LEARNER
COMMITTED
VISIONARY
BIG-PICTURE THINKER
HUMANITARIAN
MENTOR
VOLUNTEER
LEADER
TEAM MEMBER
CAREFUL

Last week I also entered four of my colour photos in a National Geographic photo contest - a small thing, yes, but significant to me. Although I majored in photography in university, my recent years have consisted of mostly "Mom shots" of my three kids. Of the four images chosen, my favourite is featured in this entry - the dragonfly photo that I call "Backyard Angel".

I remember how that dragonfly patiently posed for me on the weathered fence boards. I was fascinated by the blues and greens of his steely armoured plates, and how, up close, the delicate wings looked like ornate wrought iron railings. I think also, that at my best, I relate to the dragonfly - buzzing purposefully, efficient and sturdy; a profound asset in my chosen environment.

But at times, when my fuel tank feels low and I lose sight of my talent and abilities, I envy the dragonfly's freedom - it's time to dust off, time to use my wings; time to soar... I was made to soar.

River Poem

For the first time in a long while, I walked alongside the river tonight after dinner, all on my own - felt so nice not to have any earbuds in, to not have to hold a conversation, and just to enjoy the sounds and smells along the way.

I used to walk the same route five or six times a week with about two or three variations in the route. I never seemed to tire of it - even at -50 degrees celcius, there I'd be trundling along like Sir Edmond Hillary, gender-questionable in my multiple layers. Then somehow, work got more hectic and life more stressful, and I slowly got out of my established routine. Now I am starting to schedule some of these favourite things back into my days - mostly because I miss how my body used to feel after those walks; strong, supple and glowing.

RIVER POEM
Sweet clover, road tar, corn on the cob and dill weed -
Strange but compelling perfume!
Mallard's cluck, boat motor, frog chorus; sparrow's song -
My ears are eager for each new tone!
Foot fall percussion - gravel, grass, tarmac, grass...
My heart drums happily along :)
When I smile at dogs and they smile back -
That's a precious connection;
Windblown hair and dusty paws!
Waiting at home, my chiller mug with water
Simple luxuries - just to move, to breathe and to be
Alone by the river, but complete in myself.

La la la lang xo!

Chasing Rainbows

Hard to explain why certain sounds, tastes or colours make me respond so profoundly - and why do the things that make MY cheeks flush and heart race leaves others asking, "whaaa...???" All part of what makes me an individual, I suppose.

Case in point... just got back from a musical pilgrimage to San Francisco. k.d. lang and the Siss Boom Bang were performing at the Robert Mondavi Winery, near Oakville California, and I have been captivated by k.d. lang since I first saw her doing some crazy hokey pokey with semi-fauxhawk hair in the 1980s - my friends went "whaaaa???" while I hokey pokey'd along smiling and clapping like a happy toddler.

My recent trek to Cali was part deux of what has become The k.d. Summer; starting with my birthday wknd at the Winnipeg Folk Fest, where she rocked the mainstage with her magnifcent talent. She is a rare artist who is exponentially better live - and the new band def kicks ass!

Her performance at Mondavi was equally breathtaking, btw... Now that my double dose of k.d. has passed, however, I feel grateful but decidely post-experience-MEH - no doubt spoiled by the sheer fire and beauty of her live performance, and too low on $$$ and free time to chase down another k.d. rainbow... in yet another city!

This was my first visit to Mondavi, and I was happy to confirm a few days ahead of the concert that the venue only holds about 1500 people - rare today to be able to enjoy an acclaimed artist like La Lang in such an intimate setting. The downside... some disorganization among the well-intentioned volunteers and staff at the event. We actually (inadvertantly!)paid for FOUR VIP tickets (for two of us, LOL) and had a devil of a time getting our correct seats near the stage. Finally it was sorted, but we did not get to finish the second half of our $195.00 dinners, and did not receive the two special bottles of wine we had pre-ordered/pre-paid for with our tix, waaay back in March. And my friend (another long-term k.d. lang devotee) also was dismayed to find that "VIP" ranking we were so happy to get in on, did NOT include any hope of getting an autograph, in spite of the small crowd.

What was supposed to be my long overdue k.d. connection was a bit of a disconnect, I'm afraid. At Folk Fest, I had friends working back stage, and had been offered back stage admission to possibly meet k.d. and co - I couldn't believe that this opportunity had landed within my clumsy grasp! Again, the gods were against me and, by the time I could connect with my contact and get anywhere close to the back stage, the band had already left the venue (over 35.000 folks at this performance!!!).

So, my k.d. dream has been uprooted, replanted, uprooted and replanted again. Will it ever be realized or will it simply become a larger and more wistful fantasy? Time will tell...as k.d. sings, long after she's gone the music will live on - xo!